For Jared Coffin
 
 

Jupiter Song
by s.c.virtes





Scene:  Father trying to answer nagging questions from son.
Father is having some trouble getting his facts straight ... something is wrong.

        "Unbeknownst to most people, Jupiter isn't that far away..."
        "How far is it?"
        "It's thousands and thousands of miles away."
        "That's not so bad."
        "But that's straight up.  So you need a spaceship to get there."
        "Damn."
        "In fact Jupiter is about the size of a house."
        "Really?"
        "Maybe not our house.  The reason it's so bright is because it's all covered with snow."
        "Snow?  Cool!"
        "Stars are also bright, but they're NOT covered with snow.  Don't let this confuse you."
        "Sorry.  I AM confused."
        "Stars are much farther away.  In fact the Orion Galaxy is millions of miles away, and you can't get pizza there."
        "No pizza?  Don't like it."
        "Stars are actually powered by large incandescent filaments, which are not very efficient -- so they give off lots of heat."
        "And, I know, the greater the ohmage, the more heat is generated due to the resistance of the wires ..."
        "The what?"
        "The ohmage, Dad.  The ohmage."
        Blink.  "But space is cold.  Don't let this confuse you either."
        "How cold is it?"
        "It's colder than a freon colonic."
        "If you say so.  So how do you get to Jupiter?  You said this was gonna be a story about Jupiter."
        "The first thing you need to realize is that in space you don't just turn left or right, you can also turn up or down."
        "Nope.  I just can't picture that."
        "Well then, you'll never get to Jupiter."
        "I didn't even wanna go to Jupiter."
        "Looks like you'll have to stay here, then."
        "But I'm not anywhere.  I'm just floating."
        "Well you have to turn down to get to Earth.  You're in some serious trouble."
        "Wouldn't be the first time."
        "So where are you right now?"
        "I'm ... HERE.  Where are you?"
        "I'm just floating too."
        "I don't suppose you have a spaceship."
        "I'm just a holo with lots of bad sectors.  You're the one with the real problem."
        "Oh great."
        "You are beginning to fade from long-range scanners.  So, what's going through your mind right now?"
        "Float float float ..." (the voice fades out)

       The father holo turns to the broken-down kitchen bot as they all tumbled through the void in an expanding cloud of debris.

        "So, what's your favorite flavor of ice cream?"
        Zzzzt.
 
 

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