For Jared Coffin
Jupiter Song
by s.c.virtes
Scene: Father trying to answer nagging questions
from son.
Father is having some trouble getting his facts straight
... something is wrong.
"Unbeknownst
to most people, Jupiter isn't that far away..."
"How far is
it?"
"It's thousands
and thousands of miles away."
"That's not
so bad."
"But that's
straight up. So you need a spaceship to get there."
"Damn."
"In fact Jupiter
is about the size of a house."
"Really?"
"Maybe not
our house. The reason it's so bright is because it's all covered
with snow."
"Snow?
Cool!"
"Stars are
also bright, but they're NOT covered with snow. Don't let this confuse
you."
"Sorry.
I AM confused."
"Stars are
much farther away. In fact the Orion Galaxy is millions of miles
away, and you can't get pizza there."
"No pizza?
Don't like it."
"Stars are
actually powered by large incandescent filaments, which are not very efficient
-- so they give off lots of heat."
"And, I know,
the greater the ohmage, the more heat is generated due to the resistance
of the wires ..."
"The what?"
"The ohmage,
Dad. The ohmage."
Blink.
"But space is cold. Don't let this confuse you either."
"How cold
is it?"
"It's colder
than a freon colonic."
"If you say
so. So how do you get to Jupiter? You said this was gonna be
a story about Jupiter."
"The first
thing you need to realize is that in space you don't just turn left or
right, you can also turn up or down."
"Nope.
I just can't picture that."
"Well then,
you'll never get to Jupiter."
"I didn't
even wanna go to Jupiter."
"Looks like
you'll have to stay here, then."
"But I'm not
anywhere. I'm just floating."
"Well you
have to turn down to get to Earth. You're in some serious trouble."
"Wouldn't
be the first time."
"So where
are you right now?"
"I'm ... HERE.
Where are you?"
"I'm just
floating too."
"I don't suppose
you have a spaceship."
"I'm just
a holo with lots of bad sectors. You're the one with the real problem."
"Oh great."
"You are beginning
to fade from long-range scanners. So, what's going through your mind
right now?"
"Float float
float ..." (the voice fades out)
The father holo
turns to the broken-down kitchen bot as they all tumbled through the void
in an expanding cloud of debris.
"So, what's
your favorite flavor of ice cream?"
Zzzzt.
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