EOTU Ezine Editor
by Ace Reporter
Dateline, Rancho Del Chipmunk --
It is a quiet, sunny August afternoon here in the ritzy subdivision of Clam City known as Rancho Del Chipmunk. I have traveled here at the hehest of the editors of The Clam City News to try to interview the elusive editor of the internationally acclaimed internet published zine, EOTU Ezine.
I say, 'try to interview' the editor because the support staff of The Clam City News, who are supposed to make the phone calls with the people to arrange these interviews, didn't. Editor Dennis has no idea I'm coming to his home to grill him on the subject of his selecting the city of Clam City to be the subject of the lastest issue of his 'ezine'.
Fortunately, when I arrive at his house, Dennis is outside, standing in his front lawn. He is sweating and seems nervous. He is wearing bright blue bermuda shorts and a t-shirt that says, "Will the Last Person to Leave Clam City Please Turn Out the Lights?" I approach him. The transcipt of my interview with the world reknown editor follows.
THE CLAM CITY NEWS: Mr. Dennis?
EOTU EZINE EDITOR LARRY DENNIS: Yes? What? What can I do for you?
CCN: I was wondering if you could answer a couple of questions for me.
EEELD: Okay, sure. I guess.
CCN: I'm Rebekka Twaintoing, Ace Reporter with The Clam City News, and you've just published the latest edition of EOTU Ezine.
EEELD: That's a question?
CCN: The issue featured the city of Clam City. The entire issue was about Clam City.
EEELD: Still not a question. Wait, you said the entire issue was about Clam City? Why would I do something like that?
CCN: That's what I'd like to know!
EEELD: Sure you would. Anyone would. That's a bizarre thing for someone to do.
CCN: Especially someone like you.
EEELD: What do you mean, like me?
CCN: Someone with your obsessive hatred for Clam City, someone who derides and ridicules the The Clam City City Council, The Clam City City Library and The Clam City News. Why would someone like that, you, publish an issue dedicated to glorifying a city you hate?
EEELD: I don't know why. I didn't. Wait a minute! I never published an issue like that!
CCN: Yes, you did.
EEELD: No, I didn't.
CCN: Yes, you did. The August Issue of EOTU Ezine is about the city of Clam City in the Year 4002.
EEELD: No it's not. The August Issue is about puppies. Soft cuddly things with big sloppy kisses.
CCN: You might want to check with your staff. The issue they put out is about Clam City.
CCN: So you're saying they published the issue without your knowledge, that you were expecting an issue about puppies?
EEELD: Yes. No. Can you excuse me? I need to run around back of the house.
CCN: I'll come with you.
CCN: Why not?
EEELD: I've got a weed eater running back there.
CCN: And that's dangerous?
EEELD: No, no, no.
CCN: Then what? Why can't I come with you?
EEELD: It's uh... It's uh, private!
CCN: Running a weed eater is private?
EEELD: Uh, yeah!
And with that the world famous editor of EOTU Ezine dashed away, dashing the end of this interview. Bottom line, readers, is that the answer to the question of why EOTU editor Larry Dennis would dedicate an issue to the city of Clam City is that he didn't. His staff did the issue without him knowing what the subject matter would be. They told him it would be about puppies. They even sent him photos of puppies to keep him distracted. Anything to keep this miser of emotion from celebrating the fifteenth anniversary of The Clam City News and the success that the city of Clam City has been experiencing since the state built Highway 2 around the bay.
From Rio Del Chipmunk, this is Rebekka Twaintoing reporting.
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