Dateline -- Clam City

This is Ace Reporter Rebekka Twaintoing reporting. I am about to enter the EOTU Empire Building in downtown Clam City to interview EOTU Ezine editor Larry Dennis to ask him the burning question, "Why a fourth annual Horror Issue of EOTU Ezine?"

Because of the EOTU Empire's policy of not allowing reporters from the Clam City News into the building, a directive directly from Editor Dennis who, for some reason, despises us, I find myself having to devise a ruse to sneak past the guards at the front doors.

I have chosen, since this is Halloween, to dress up as my favorite cartoon character and approach the door to ask for 'tricks or treats'. I am waiting in the bushes now waiting for my opportunity. I will take this moment to describe the costume that I have chosen. I am Bullwinkle J Moose, from the animated series of Rocky & Bullwinkle cartoons. The outfit is life size (human, not moose) complete with large moose nose and wide solid antlers. I am brown and furry and quite warm on this chilly Clam City night.
    And here comes my opportunity to sneak up to the door. A gaggle of children dressed as princesses and pirates is approaching. I will sneak in behind them and pretend to be one of their group.

GUARD ONE:  You're so cute! What are you?
A PRINCESS:  A princess.
GO:  And a pretty one, at that. Here, have a Tootsie Roll Pop.
MOTHER:  What do you say?
P:  Thank you.
GUARD TWO:  Hey, check this one out.
GUARD ONE:  Wow, you certainly are evil looking.
FREDDY KRUEGER FROM THE NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET MOVIE:  Just shut up and give me some candy, you geek!
M:  Behave yourself!
GO:  You should be. Here, have a Tootsie Roll Pop.
FKFTNOESM:  This sucks!
GO:  No, you suck, on the Tootsie Roll Pop.
GT:  Look at this one.
GO:  You're a bit old to be trick or treating aren't you?
CLAM CITY NEWS:  It's the costume. It makes me look larger than I really am. I'm really only twelve.
GT:  What are you supposed to be?
GO:  She's a moose!
GT:  I can see that! I thought she might be a particular moose.
CCN:  I'm Bullwinkle.
GO:  Oh, sorry. I didn't recognize you.
CCN:  It's okay.
GO:  Here, have a Tootsie Roll Pop .
CCN:  Thank you.
GO:  You'd better be running along. Your groups already half way down the block.
CCN:  It's okay. Can I use your bathroom?
GO:  What?
CCN: Your bathroom. Can I come in and use it?
GT:  We aren't supposed to let people in the building.
GO:  What's she supposed to do?
GT:  She can go in those trees over there.
GO:  You want the moose to shit in the woods?
GT:  Well...
GO:  It's okay, kid. Come on in.

And at this point, dear reader, I should explain why, even though this was the first time I was officially invited into the EOTU Empire's headquarters, I was unable to enter the building. The antlers on my Bullwinkle costume were too wide to enter through the doorway, and when I turned sideways to sidle through, the nose was too big.

So, we will never know why EOTU Ezine editor, Larry Dennis, decided to do a Fourth Annual Horror Issue of EOTU Ezine. Reporting from the doorway of the EOTU Empire headquarters building, this is Ace Reporter Rebekka Twaintoing. Back to you.

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