INTERVIEWS EOTU EDITOR
ABOUT THE OCTOBER 2003
HORROR ISSUE OF
Dateline -- Clam City
This is Ace Reporter Rebekka Twaintoing reporting. I am about to enter the EOTU Empire Building in downtown Clam City to interview EOTU Ezine editor Larry Dennis to ask him the burning question, "Why a fourth annual Horror Issue of EOTU Ezine?"
Because of the EOTU Empire's policy of not allowing reporters from the Clam City News into the building, a directive directly from Editor Dennis who, for some reason, despises us, I find myself having to devise a ruse to sneak past the guards at the front doors.
I have chosen, since this is Halloween, to dress up as my favorite cartoon character and approach the door to ask for 'tricks or treats'. I am waiting in the bushes now waiting for my opportunity. I will take this moment to describe the costume that I have chosen. I am Bullwinkle J Moose, from the animated series of Rocky & Bullwinkle cartoons. The outfit is life size (human, not moose) complete with large moose nose and wide solid antlers. I am brown and furry and quite warm on this chilly Clam City night.
And here comes my opportunity to sneak up to the door. A gaggle of children dressed as princesses and pirates is approaching. I will sneak in behind them and pretend to be one of their group.
GUARD ONE: You're so cute! What are you?
A PRINCESS: A princess.
GO: And a pretty one, at that. Here, have a Tootsie Roll Pop.
MOTHER: What do you say?
P: Thank you.
GUARD TWO: Hey, check this one out.
GUARD ONE: Wow, you certainly are evil looking.
FREDDY KRUEGER FROM THE NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET MOVIE: Just shut up and give me some candy, you geek!
M: Behave yourself!
GO: You should be. Here, have a Tootsie Roll Pop.
FKFTNOESM: This sucks!
GO: No, you suck, on the Tootsie Roll Pop.
GT: Look at this one.
GO: You're a bit old to be trick or treating aren't you?
CLAM CITY NEWS: It's the costume. It makes me look larger than I really am. I'm really only twelve.
GT: What are you supposed to be?
GO: She's a moose!
GT: I can see that! I thought she might be a particular moose.
CCN: I'm Bullwinkle.
GO: Oh, sorry. I didn't recognize you.
CCN: It's okay.
GO: Here, have a Tootsie Roll Pop .
CCN: Thank you.
GO: You'd better be running along. Your groups already half way down the block.
CCN: It's okay. Can I use your bathroom?
CCN: Your bathroom. Can I come in and use it?
GT: We aren't supposed to let people in the building.
GO: What's she supposed to do?
GT: She can go in those trees over there.
GO: You want the moose to shit in the woods?
GO: It's okay, kid. Come on in.
And at this point, dear reader, I should explain why, even though this was the first time I was officially invited into the EOTU Empire's headquarters, I was unable to enter the building. The antlers on my Bullwinkle costume were too wide to enter through the doorway, and when I turned sideways to sidle through, the nose was too big.
So, we will never know why EOTU Ezine editor, Larry Dennis, decided to do a Fourth Annual Horror Issue of EOTU Ezine. Reporting from the doorway of the EOTU Empire headquarters building, this is Ace Reporter Rebekka Twaintoing. Back to you.
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