UNSTAINED
by Andy Miller






I spilled my drink, and it left a nasty stain on the carpet.

"I'll take care of it," said the Clown. He pulled one of Polythene Pam's Amazing Teleportals (TM) out ofhis pocket, and showed it to us. "This will do the trick," he said, tossing it down on the carpet. It didn't cover the stain, so he stretched it out, like a reluctant sphincter. Then he reached in, up to his elbow, and came up with nothing. What a face he made! The clown stretched his Teleportal (TM) out some more and climbed in till we could see only those big red shoes. And then, for the longest time, nothing happened.

Finally some one asked, "You think he's stuck?"

"Maybe he's hung up on those shoes," I said.

After waiting for a while longer, and realizing that nothing was going to happen, that the clown was really stuck, I unlaced his shoes. I pulled, and pulled, till the first shoe came off with a POP, which sent me reeling across the room. That foot slid down through the Teleportal (TM). I went back and took the other big red shoe in my hands and pulled and pulled, till that one came off with a POP, and the clown slipped through -- hitting the floor below with such a loud BANG that everyone in the building must have heard it.

Minutes later, the Clown stood in the doorway rubbing his head, the nasty stain like a halo. "Thanks," he said. I handed him the big red shoes, and he slipped them on. He walked across the room, picked up the Teleportal (TM), which had shrunk back to its original size, and pocketed it. "Looks like I got it all," he said, pointing at the carpet. "No stain."

 
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