When Nature Boyz in de Hood Winked ...
by Robert Dunn
The other day, back in Deep Woods Nine,
A kodiak bear and a sockeye salmon
Accosted each other over the right of way
Through a rushing stream. "One side,
You bug-eyed blowfish," snarled the bear.
"Aah, your mother was a rug in one of Madonnaís
Baby pictures," retorted the salmon. "Why, you ..."
Sputtered the bear, extending his claws. "Iíve
Eaten bigger than you for breakfast." "Itís
Past lunch," snarled the sockeye, flashing
His fangs. "And I hear fillet of bear is
Rather tasty, too." "Iíll knock you landlocked!"
Cried the kodiak, slipping into the stream.
"Well, come on, Yogi," taunted the sockeye,
Knowing full well that bears in the wild
Get even wilder when called "Yogi." "You better
Watch out--I know karate," continued the salmon,
Stiffening his fins in a Carradine battle posture.
The fight was brief, but terrible. The kodiak ...
"Play has stopped, folks. A small Labrador has
Wandered onto this poem and the referees and
The editors are trying to chase him off the page.
Hope heís paper-trained--no! I mean, not paper ...
Ow! That hurt! The Labrador has caught hold
Of the sockeye and heís flipping him around
Like a frisbee. The kodiak bear is whipping
His head around--looking for hunters, Iíll bet.
Isnít that right, Brett?" "Right you are, Merv.
Hunters are bad news for bears ... a shot!
I heard a shot. The kodiak is diving for cover!
Looks like heís in real trouble now, and ..."
"Sorry to interrupt, Brett, but it wasnít a hunter.
That shot was just the end of the First Quarter!"
"But, Merv, didnít anybody call Time Out?"
"I guess not, Brett. In all the excitement I
Suppose everybody just up and forgot." "Well,
Never mind, Merv. Here comes our Fabulous
Half-Time Show!" "What Fabulous Half-Time Show?
Brett, Itís only the end of the First Quarter."
"I know that, Merv, but some of the marching band
Members have to go home early today, so we
Rescheduled." "Well, if thatís their attitude,
Iím going home, too!" "You do and weíll dock
Your pay!" Brett yelled, doubling his fists.
"Oho," crowed Merv. "Looking for a sock in the eye,
Eh? Take that!" "Hah! Just a love tap, you weenie!
Try this one for size ..." "Well, that about
Wraps it up for todayís ATMís Wide-Eyed World
Of Spurts! Tune in again next week when
We present Star Freak Academy Socceróplayed
With live photon torpedoes! Donít miss it!"
Return to Table of Contents
Background by Dreamcatcher